So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
