Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
