well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
