I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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