whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
