dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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