Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
