And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
