Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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