grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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