Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
