I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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