He disabled his match.com account in front of me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
