So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
that's an acceptable place to lick
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
