I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
