god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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