remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
