How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
