You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
