you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
