Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ugly people sure do ruin things
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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