He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
