Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
