i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
