Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
