Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
