i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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