Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
