I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
