I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
