she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
