I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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