Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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