I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
