Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
