My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
