just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
