I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
