You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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