he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
