Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it glows. i had to have it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
