I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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