Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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