I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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