Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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