Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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