From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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