I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
