I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
