like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Who died my cat blue again?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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